We are honored to present this beautiful contemplation from Glo master teacher Elena Brower. Through a personal story of holiday gathering and family dynamics, Elena illuminates the “yoga” of everyday life, the practice of releasing our grip on expectation. She guides us to see that when we stop trying to curate the experiences of others, we create space for acceptance, grace, and the realization that we are all doing the best we can.
One dear friend, my partner James, and my son, now 19, are walking with me into the dining room at Upaya Zen center on Christmas Eve, a mile or two away from our home. Heart so glad to be entering this warm room, full of humans I appreciate, the scent of pozole and holiday joy in the air, Roshi Joan has just begun speaking. Offering respect for this land, gratitude for this small gathering, for our chefs Jessica and Jorge who’ve whipped up Jessica’s grandmother’s recipe along with so many dishes with which to garnish the deliciously spiced corn stew, from avocados to tiny slices of radish, spicy sauces and sour cream, we listen to Roshi’s words with thankfulness, then recite the meal gatha, or verse of acknowledgement for the nourishment.
“Earth, water, fire, air and space combine to make this food. Numberless beings gave their lives and labors that we may eat. May we be nourished, that we may nourish life.” We bow, tears in my eyes, which is usually the case. My heart is just so happy, my son is here. We’re all here.
Precisely one year ago, once before he was here with us. He was unexpectedly averse to the energy in this place that means so much to me. I want him to love it here, to ask questions, to feel the care, patience, and commitment I feel here, but I can see that he doesn’t. I can even hear him whispering to James while Roshi speaks, James shushing him. I can feel his bristling resistance to the words and bowing. Feeling a tinge of sadness, threads of frustration piling up in my belly, I realize something important.
Controlling his experience isn’t my business. Not my work to conjure a sense of meaning for him that simply isn’t present, at least not yet. I can only do my best to savor my time here, and let his experience be his. I can only live in the vibrancy of the simple blessings this place bestows upon me, and let the rest go. My son and I exchange some words as we leave, the first time in a while we’ve been at odds. I choose not to take any of it personally, and decide to trust that the flow of time to show us both what we need. Not easy.
Over to you. What feels threatening, obstructed? What’s the best you can do, and what can you release? Does it relate to your practice, your family, your work, your studies, your identity? Can you do your best, and practice letting the rest go?
Soon, I’ll offer a couple of lectures on starting a practice, and upholding it. On creating a relationship to yourself through the practices you choose. Implied here, and in those short talks, is something I repeat daily to myself. How human of me to feel confused, blocked, less than. How human of me to want to control my son’s experience, and how human of him to have his opinions and needs. He and my partner make fun of me sometimes, with great love, when I say what I’m about to say:
We’re all doing our very best. We can let the rest go.
Here are some recent classes from Elena to help remind us how to let go and begin again:
- Program: Hold Nothing Lecture Series
- Program: Hold Nothing A Week Of Practice With Elena Brower
- Stronger Self Yoga Conditioning
- Evening Decompression Flow
- Release The Day
- Meditation For Anxiety
