Alchemy of Practices and Benefits – Part 1
We connect through self-care so that, together,
we can heal ourselves and our planet
My heart at this moment is a bit broken.
“Disappointment follows irrational, unclear or unexpressed expectations.”
I remember writing something like this in my journal more than twenty years ago. I used to say it to myself—and to others—as a way to shield myself from pain. I wanted to rein in the overall experience of disappointment as if I could by wizardry organize this complex, messy, uncertain world. If I could do that, I could then immunize myself from future pain. Hopefully today, I know a bit better.
Sitting here now,
With a swirl of feelings in my heart,
I feel sad.
“Just one word: Feelings.”
The body doesn’t lie.
Follow the feelings, says my owl.
I am today humbled by experience, hopefully, more receptive, less judgmental. I look for opportunities to learn and acknowledge that we have less control over our feelings than we do how we might express them. Sometimes the world disappoints and sometimes we are the source of disappointment. Feelings always follow and today I would write with more admitted vulnerability to those feelings.
To alchemize is to turn something into something else. We usually mean turning something of lesser value into something of greater value. Whether or not we recognize the process, we’re constantly alchemizing ourselves. And hopefully for the better. It’s a cellular process that likely began several billion years ago because living things have the homeostatic imperative to flourish, to optimize their being. When we engage the inner alchemy we do so also to create a surplus, something more and better even unknowingly negotiating with our outer world. Dr. Antionio Damasio refers to this cellular negotiation as a possible precursor to our human experience of feelings. It’s a powerful, bold book that can change how you view your life, or just life.
At the risk of being unintentionally frivolous, one of the many images that popped into my head while reading Damasio’s book was a famous scene from the 1967 movie The Graduate. Here Benjamin, at his graduation party, is asked what he plans to do with his future. He worries about his future and wants to be “different.”
Mr. McGuire: I just want to say one word to you. Just one word.
Benjamin: Yes, sir.
Mr. McGuire: Are you listening?
Benjamin: Yes I am.
Mr. McGuire: Plastics.
Benjamin: Exactly how do you mean?
Mr. McGuire: There’s a great future in plastics. Think about it. Will you think about it?
Benjamin: Yes I will.
Mr. McGuire: Shhh. Enough said. That’s a deal.
I reimagine this scene in a 2020 remake with Dr. Damasio saying: “Just one word: Feelings. Enough said.” I also think he wouldn’t say “enough said” but would add the word “love.” I’ve imagined the scene because I know I would have benefited from someone pulling me aside at my graduation party to tell me that. Even if I wasn’t ready to hear it.
Self-care is synonymous with our homeostatic imperative. Put simply, this means that we thrive when we engage to find our optimal self, even for that moment. Self-care is that inner wise owl, both my observer of feelings and thoughts and their orchestral conductor. That starts when I commit to a continuous practice of listening, become more skillful at knowing and choosing, expressing what I want and prioritizing what I need. Self-care is becoming more skillful at making meaningful connections—especially in difficult moments, painful moments. Self-care can improve when I seek conditions that support taking needed actions, including choosing not to act. Every choice negotiates with the connections I make with myself and my environment. How we alchemize actions into something better—better for myself, for others, and for my environment—cultivates character. When the moment comes we will act from our character.
If you believe that too then you also know that whatever changes arise will first be guided by feelings, be they feelings of pain or any others. When we engage with our feelings we can be guided by our values. This may cost you something because you must feel and then act—but it’s worth the effort.
Our awesome marketing team at Glo creates lovely, thought-generating blog and social media posts. These create opportunities every month to focus dialog within our community on specific themes. They recently suggested that I comment on each theme. I feel grateful for the opportunity. This the first, which I wrote a few weeks ago, our December theme being the alchemy of practice and benefits. This theme could easily serve as an evergreen and doesn’t lend itself easily to brevity. I hope to write about it multiple times over the course of 2020, hopefully, each time with some playful brevity.
Derik
